Praise You In This Storm

Recently, a friend invited me to accompany her to a concert featuring Casting Crowns, Sidewalk Prophets, and Mandisa. This was particularly special because my top song in the past year was sung that night, and again I poured out my heart, lifted my hands and praised Him. 
Here is part of that song and my thoughts from September 25, 2014.

"I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands for you are who you are, no matter where I am. And every tear I cry, you hold in your hand, you never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."
One year ago today, I became a silent member of a group of women whose hearts are torn. 
Three weeks earlier, my life presented me with yet another joyous yet emotionally scary twist. I decided to live in the joy secretively for a little while, awaiting the perfect gentle moment to share with my husband. Life is unpredictable. And rather than me picking the perfect moment, life forced me to move three weeks later. 
The day started as usually but at 10am it took a scary turn. Knowing I could do nothing to prevent what was going on, I finished getting myself and the kids ready for the day, dropped them off and headed into work. I held it together long enough to request someone take my place at work and called to get a professional opinion. I left work and no sooner did I get in the car and I lost it. Tears flowing uncontrollably. I couldn't call him. I needed to talk in person. I was an emotional mess. So I texted for him to meet me at home. I walked in ... trying again to keep it together emotionally. I headed straight for the bathroom, couldn't even look at him. He waited (thinking perhaps i had gotten fired somehow). I came out in a few minutes. Taking a deep breath... I lost it... Again. How do I even go about saying it? Well I started with "three weeks ago..." And preceded in tears to the events of "today..." For him, the knowledge of the beginning and end of life all happened in those few moments of tearful monologue. But he wrapped his loving arms around me and helped me walk through my emotions that day. He accompanied me to the birth center and to the hospital for my shot. God provided his support so that I would not be alone in my ventures that day.
Life is precious even this short. This was yet another leap in spiritual growth but it exposes such an overlooked reality in faith. Even though I put my faith in Christ and my heart professes "the Lord gives and He takes away. I will still praise Him" that doesn't mean the heartache goes away. We are human. We feel pain. 
I praised him in the storm when our firstborn was hanging on to life by tubes, wires and monitors minutes after birth. And I praised him last year as I miscarried. And I continue to praise him in the storms of life and I continue to place my life in his hands. That doesn't mean life is easy. It's not easy to give up control. But I know who holds my future in the palm of His hands and I trust in Him to walk with me and carry me through my joys and heartaches throughout my life. I am not angry at God "for allowing things to happen in my life." However, heartache is real.
So now I unveil myself as a mother... A mother who knows the pain of miscarriage.

(See next post for more of this story)

Isaiah 54:10-12New International Version

10 Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peacebe removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

¹¹ “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
    I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
    your foundations with lapis lazuli.
¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
    your gates of sparkling jewels,
    and all your walls of precious stones.